I’m sorry” she whispered, tears in her eyes, “I don’t normally do this”.
“This” was to ask for help, to receive help, to accept that which we had to give, rather than continue on her path of society’s culturally accepted vision of the “modern woman”. It was evident that she had passed judgement on herself as being inadequate as a woman and a mother. Her self judgement is not only attributable to her situation as a woman impacted by abuse, but also as a woman of western society. The prevalent message is not only that we can have it all, but that we can do it all, under any set of circumstances.
When a loved one dies, are we not quick to offer words of support, often beginning with “if there is anything I can do”? It is offered quickly and sincerely, we really do want to help in some tangible way. Yet rarely is the offer taken. Our belief is that somehow others soldier on, without any physical or emotional supports. To accept would somehow be a diminishment of our status as women.
So, before me is a woman who not only struggles with the aftermath of abuse, but also with the intricacies of institutions and agencies which have become a part of her life as she works towards creating a safer and healthier life for her two young sons. Lacking food on her shelves, facing crushing stress and uncertainty, she was referred here for assistance. Food, diapers for her infant son, and an appointment to meet with a counsellor, she turns to me and her emotional expressions of appreciation are almost more than I can bear. I want to make it all better. I cannot. I want to take away her pain, I cannot. I want to make her believe that she is not a weak and inadequate mother, I cannot. I can however, because of this centre, provide her with opportunities to begin the path of healing and create a healthier image of what it means to be a “modern woman”.
As International Woman’s Day approaches, consider what your vision of a “modern woman” is and feel free to join us for our Open House on March 8th. Take a tour, speak to staff and perhaps even a survivor or two.
