My first Christmas at Women’s Rural Resource Centre and I stood in the reception area, trying to take in the generosity before me. Colourful wrapping paper, toys of all shapes and sizes for all stages and ages. The generosity of individuals, families, groups and sponsors took my breath away. From time to time I even found myself “choking up” as I helped unload packages and parcels from cars, vans and pickups. This is what the Christmas/holiday season is about, but even within this season of peace and goodwill can be found disquieting or uncharitable thoughts. Is it a Grinch in the community of whom I am thinking? No, this one is on me (and maybe a few others too.)
As the volunteer coordinator, part of my job is the education and training of new volunteers. One of the many messages is that abuse is not found in just one income group but in all. I know this and I teach this, but apparently only partly believe this.
Statistically, when a woman leaves a relationship (abusive or otherwise), her income and standard of living drops. New financial challenges appear and the means to meet them become more complex. Leaving an abusive relationship requires courage to face the many challenges and this can include the material benefits we can no longer provide to our children. It’s very common for the hamper requests we receive to contain detailed lists for the kids and very modest ones for the moms.
The contents of these hamper wish lists returns me to my Grinch like thinking. So, if a family asks for a TV, X- box with games, e-reader or i-pod, why am I uncomfortable with this? Commercials everywhere tout all the Christmas deals to be had and even market them as your kids deserve them. Whether you believe the marketing is fodder for another discussion, but my discomfort in seeing these on a wish list begs the question –why. Is it related to my personal values or is it related to unconscious beliefs about what a “disadvantaged” person can rightly ask for? Am I a part of society that harbours the notion that “those people” should be happy with the basics?
Bothered by this reaction and even the sentiment, I chose to reflect and to discuss with colleagues, family and friends. Their input, perspective and thought provided me the information I was looking for. I also listened. I listened and observed the reactions of the moms who came to pick up the hampers. These were not princess divas. They were moms able to experience the sheer joy of having items under the tree; items that previously would have been provided had abuse not been a factor in their lives.
So, as I do this work, I realize the gifts that have been given to me. At the top of the list is an opportunity to challenge ideas I didn’t know I held. Then humility, as I realize how much I have to learn and all the people willing to help me. To each of you reading this, I wish you the sentiments of the season – peace and goodwill.
